


I Feel Stupid, But It's Something That Comes And Goes

by Branithar



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobia, M/M, Punk Michael, Rating May Change, Rich Kid Luke, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, couples therapy, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29508921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branithar/pseuds/Branithar
Summary: Luke’s dug himself into another inescapable hole. His mum has become too invested in his relationship with his boyfriend of three years and was devastated to hear that it’s all falling apart. So, obviously, she signed him up for couples therapy, but there’s a problem. Luke’s boyfriend, “Mike,” doesn’t exist. Good thing his friends know someone dastardly enough to pretend to be his boyfriend and go to counseling with him.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't go a month without starting something new, so here's a silly fake dating AU
> 
> Title is from Mad Season by Matchbox 20

“What’s that?” Michael asked. 

Calum jumped, apparently yanked out of deep thought, and stopped picking at his strings. “Huh?”

“What are you playing?”

“Oh. Dunno, I was just…”

Michael nodded understandingly. “Do it again.” 

Calum furrowed his brow and played the tunes he’d been idly plucking again, making up some connections between them. 

“That could work for Fox,” Ashton commented, tapping at his drums as Calum ran through the melody again. 

Michael took out his phone and started recording when they repeated what they’d come up with. “We’ll have to change up the lyrics, but verse two sucked anyway, so it’ll be good to redo that.”

Calum scowled at him. “ _Hey._ ” 

“Oh my _god._ ”

Michael stopped strumming and looked at Ashton, who now had his phone out too. “What’s up?”

Ashton gave an exasperated sigh. “Friend of mine. He’s been lying to his parents about having a boyfriend for like… a couple of years now and his mum’s signed them up for couples therapy ‘cause she’s worried about their relationship.”

“Luke?” Calum asked. He took his phone out. “Hey, he texted me too.”

Michael chuckled. “A couple of years? That’s pretty impressive.” 

“Wow.” Calum raised his eyebrows disbelievingly.

“What?”

He exhaled. “So instead of coming clean, he wants someone to pretend to be his boyfriend and go to counseling with him.” 

Michael stared for a moment, then burst into a fit of laughter. “ _Seriously?_ How would that even work?” 

“His plan is to go to counseling like his mum wants and convince the therapist that they’re incompatible so he can tell her that that’s why it’s not working out,” Ashton explained, shaking his head. 

“That’s…” Michael frowned. “You gonna do it?”

“ _No._ ”

Calum shook his head, smirking.

“I mean… Is the offer out for anyone?”

Ashton stared. “You wanna go to couples therapy with Luke.”

Michael grinned and shrugged. “Could be fun. When’s it start?”


	2. Chapter 2

Luke groaned loudly into his pillow, hoping the devil would hear him and finally drag him down to Hell. At least in Hell he wouldn’t have to keep up this ridiculous lie. 

He’d meant to put a stop to it, had been firm with himself that this was the end of it when he told his parents over Sunday dinner that things with “Mike” weren’t working out. He’d had every reason in the book ready. They were too different, they argued more than they talked these days, he suspected that Mike was cheating on him, he didn’t like his friends... 

Unfortunately, his mum started tearing up the moment he tried saying all that. As if he needed to feel shittier about lying for so long, she was actually really happy about his relationship and him not being alone. She used to worry that he’d never find anyone, he knew, maybe because he was the youngest, maybe because he was the only queer in the family. Whatever the reason, as much as he assured her that he was fine and there were other fish, she wouldn’t hear a word of it. 

“What’s up?”

Luke extracted his face from the pillow to see Craig standing at the door. He grumbled at him.

Craig sighed. “Mum says you and Mike are going to couples therapy.”

Luke buried his face in the pillow again and groaned louder. 

“Just tell her.” 

He mumbled into the pillow.

“Why not?” 

He sighed and looked at Craig again. “How am I supposed to explain that I’ve been lying for three years? She’ll hate me.”

Craig sat on the edge of the bed, brow furrowed. “Hey. No she won’t.”

Luke looked away. “I’ve fucked up enough as it is.” 

“Nobody thinks you’ve fucked up.” 

“You don’t know what it’s like,” he said quietly.

“No, but…” 

“Even if she ever wants to speak to me again, she’ll go back trying to set me up with straight dudes.” 

“She didn’t get it back then,” Craig told him, “She does now.”

“Because she thinks I have a gay boyfriend. Once she knows that’s bullshit…” 

Craig said nothing for a moment. “She’s gonna find out tomorrow anyway,” he reasoned, “When you don’t show up with Mike, Hellen’s gonna tell her. It’s better if you just come clean right now.” 

Luke’s text tone chimed and he scrambled to get it. A text from Calum. 

“Or not,” he breathed.

“What?”

“Calum’s friend will go with me.”

 _Michael._ Luke had heard of Ashton and Calum’s bandmate, but never actually met him. They hung out in different crowds and, if Luke was being honest, he found his friends’ punk friends intimidating. 

“Wait.” Craig stared at Luke in disbelief. “You’re gonna go to counseling with some guy rather than just tell Mum the truth. Did you seriously ask if he’d do that.”

“I was asking anyone, he just happened to volunteer, I guess,” Luke corrected, “But _think about it._ We’ll go to a couple of sessions, act like we hate each other, convince Helen that we’re shit together and break up officially. Mum doesn’t have to know I’m a horrible person.”

Craig huffed. “She won’t think that if you just tell her now. This, though...” He gestured to Luke’s phone. “...is called digging yourself into a deeper hole. Don’t.”

Luke shook his head and texted Calum back, asking for Michael’s number and letting him know that their first session was tomorrow and they should meet at a cafe he liked beforehand to get their stories straight. He put his phone back on the bedside table and sighed. Thank god. No really, it _had_ to be divine intervention that _Michael_ was willing to pose as _Mike._

Luke was willing to admit that it was risky, but he’d already tried putting an end to it the easy way. Besides, they probably wouldn’t have to go to that many sessions anyway. How hard could it be to convince a counselor that Luke and a stranger were incompatible?


	3. Chapter 3

“Mikey?”

Michael curled deeper into the blankets. 

The weight shifted on the bed as Louis sat on the edge. “Wanna talk about it?” 

_No._

“You had that thing today, right? With Calum and Ashton’s friend? Have you texted him?”

 _No._ Just the thought made Michael feel sick. 

“Bad day?” When had Calum come in? “Luke’ll be at the cafe.”

Was that the time already? Michael had desperately hoped that this would have passed by now, at least enough that he could get out of his fucking bed. 

“It’s fine. Enabling Luke is probably a bad idea anyway,” he joked.

Michael said nothing.

“I’ll let him know you can’t make it.” 

Louis gave Michael’s leg a pat before getting up and leaving too. 

Michael thought about Luke, about how he was _expecting_ him to show up and help him out because he’d _said_ he would and now Michael was lying here not even texting him to say he couldn’t make it. 

“I’m ordering pizza,” Zayn said. How long had it been since Louis left? “You want your usual?” 

Michael shuddered and slowly raised a hand to acknowledge Zayn.

“Cool.” 

He couldn’t even say a simple thank you. What kind of a friend was he? They should just kick him out, find a housemate who was actually pleasant to be around, who didn't have arsenic for a personality.

“Come on.” 

A weight landed on Michael, pushing the air out of him. He felt Louis’s arms wrap over him as best they could through the blanket. 

His voice was right by his ear when he spoke. “Come to the lounge for dinner.” 

Michael didn’t want to. He couldn’t let his shit mood bring everyone else down. 

“You can bring the blanket. You’re not allowed to stay in here, though.” 

With effort, Louis got Michael out of bed and herded him to the lounge room, where Zayn and Calum were waiting with four pizzas. 

“Hey, big fella,” Calum greeted with a warm smile. 

Michael sat between him and Louis and they both cuddled up to him, Calum putting an arm around him and Louis resting his head on his shoulder. Zayn flicked through the TV comedies on Netflix until they found something to watch, turned off the light and settled down next to Louis as they ate. 

“It’s gonna be fine,” Calum murmured to him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

Michael took a slice of pizza.

**Author's Note:**

> I run tran5rightsos on Tumblr! Feel free to send asks about this or any of my other 5sos fics!


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